It was in early May of 1997, I had just finished my 3pm-11pm shift and was on my way home. My home, my very first apartment, my very first night in my own place. Fucking awesome!! It didn't matter the place was a dive, and a tiny one at that, I was the first one in my crew with my own spot and I was the MFing man. Big things were about to happen, I could feel it in my blood.

As I arrive in my parking lot I peep a couple neighbors sitting on their porch, just under my spot. My downstairs neighbors no doubt, boy are you fuckers gonna hate me I chuckled to myself as I was getting out of the car. I say whats up to them as I pass and they respond by offering a beer. Never one to turn down a freebie I tell them run it and pop a squat to shoot the breeze. These dudes are kinda lame but they offer more beer so I give them the pleasure of my company for a little while longer.

They ask me if I know about our buildings history, which I didn't, to me it was just another kinda creepy old building in a city that had several of them. "Oh dude this is one of the oldest buildings in Wayne, it used to be a funeral home in the 1800s!" I gave a good hearty chuckle with a sarcastic "ok". I look at both of them and they look serious as heart attacks. I'm waiting for them to break the seriousness/silence but it ain't happening. "Bullshit, you motherfuckers are full of shit" I finally spit out. "No man, go look in the library, this place is in there" one of them replied matter-of-factly. I'm positive these assholes are just fucking with me because I'm 21 and I know everything so I just keep poo-pooing them when one of them says "let's go to the basement, you can tell where the crematorium was." Yeah, let's do that.

To get to the basement we had to go into my side of the building. You would walk in the main door and my spot was up the stairs on the right. Just past that also on the right almost directly underneath my stairs was the basement. We strolled downstairs and as soon my feet touched the floor the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Even if these dudes are full of shit this place is creepy. The first thing I notice is this big ass meat grinder and large scale next to it. The second thing I see is a bunch of old black and white photographs on a shelf, like lots of them. I'm too busy wondering why the fuck a big ass meat grinder & scale is in my basement to hear them babbling on about where the crematorium was. "Sup with this thing?" I interrupted. "Hell if I know, it's been here" one of them replies. They go on to re-explain how everything was laid out back in the day and finally it hits me, these dudes ain't bullshitting.

While they finished their history lesson I put on the brave face, looking hard like I ain't afraid of no ghost!! Inside my head I'm already calling home and telling moms this apartment thing ain't working out. About 1am I bid my new neighbors adieu and headed up to my apartment. A couple hours ago I was on top of the world, now I'm sitting right next to my Rambo knife thinking every little noise in the place is the Boogeyman. Oh how the mighty have fallen, no way in hell I'm staying here, it's a wrap. This was the first night of what would become the funnest spring/summer of my life.

I know that feel bro, I've lived in a few haunted places myself. You should continue on with your story though, I'm interested in reading it if you do.

Right on Fro

I slowly woke and rolled to my side. not ready to get out of bed when I realized where I was at. I jumped out of that bed like I was shot from a cannon and put on my glasses to see what time is was. Only 11:43am, the last thing I remember it was quarter past five in the morning so my plan to rest my eyes for just a few minutes failed. Lucky for me, I had survived the night. I'm positive "Leave Now!! is going to be written in blood on my living room wall so I go check. Nothing. After that I decide I better survey the other two rooms (kitchen & bathroom) for oddities, even checking myself in the mirror for mysterious cuts or bruises. Nope, everything's good, just the way I left it from the previous night. Hmmm, maybe this place isn't so bad I thought to myself. Still, I better call moms to scold her for driving by this place and seeing the Room For Rent sign. As we're chatting I casually mention the fact that this place was a funeral home and ghosts are more than likely listening to our conversation as we speak. I let her know that it doesn't bother me one bit but if it would make her sleep better at night I can come back home and find a different place. "Nah, you'll be fine. Besides, how many people can say they lived in a funeral before?" she replied. "The sane ones" I muttered under my breath. And with that we hung up the phone, this was my home now and I was going to have to make the best of it.


Several days had passed and with each one I cared less and less about the place's history, even started embracing it. I had a lil' shindig on Friday night and was pretty much loving life. Today was Saturday and I had to work my afternoon 3-11 shift. I worked at a car rental spot at the Metro Detroit Airport and the place was open 24-7-365, meaning it always had people working. Because of that they usually split people into pairs to take their lunch breaks. As fate would have it my 'lunch date' was with a man named Freddy Boggs, or Old School Freddy B as I used to call him. Freddy was older cat, in his early to mid fifties. A real tall and skinny black dude who quite frankly looked like he had seen better days. If you saw him in the city you might be tempted to throw him some change. He could have been the poster boy for 'don't judge a book by it's cover' though because he was an honest and hardworking man. He was also the loudest human being I've ever encountered, I seriously thought he broke the right side of my eardrum once.

We grabbed a seat in the breakroom to eat our lunches. I had a pizza roll, he had A-2, aka chips from the vending machine. "So Carter I hear you got your own place now" he bellowed, voice damn near vibrating the table I was sitting at. "Oh yea!! And you know what? Imma fuck all these bitches in the house tonight!!" I yelled, quoting a skit from Dices' Neighborhoodshittalka tape that we both liked. He starts rocking back and forth, arms flailing about and screaming something I couldn't understand. To this day I've never seen a grown ass man go so ape shit over sex talk, anytime anyone brought up some pussy OSFB would lose his mind. After regaining his composure he asked where the place was at and as soon as he realized what building/house it was he just said "oh" and his facial expression changed to a more somber look. "Yeah, I know it was a funeral home man, but I don't care" I told him, already knowing that's why his mood had changed. "It was a funeral home too?" he said, now looking shocked. "Uhhh, yea" I responded, completely bewildered as to why he's acting funny. "I just know they found them bodies in that basement back in the day". "Bodies??" I asked, eyebrows slightly raised with concern. "Yeah man, in the early 80s they found a bunch of dead bodies in that place." At this point I'm just like "sure, why not?" He then starts to plead his case like I didn't believe him, which I totally did. He leaves the breakroom and comes back about 5 minutes later with another employee, an old schooler named Chuck who drove the buses to and from the airport. Chuck goes on to tell me that in 1983 six bodies were discovered in my basement, you know, the one with the meat grinder in it. He had lived in some apartments about a mile down the road and he remembers it vividly. I tell them both I believe them and thanks for sharing but now let's change the subject. Great. So now not only do I live in an old funeral home, but a murder scene as well. What's next, did an alien abduction occur there too? Good thing it's Saturday and I have a party to go to tonight.

Guess I shoulda said this from the jump but oh well, my outhouse page, my rules. I been wanting to do a short story based on my 1997 adventures for awhile, just didn't really have the format to do it. This is perfect. All the shit I write here is true, everything happened. The only thing that may be slightly different is the dialogue between me and whoever I'm talking to but I remember a lot of this stuff word for word, especially on the crazy parts. Might get a little long winded when talking about my friends/co-workers but whatevs, I ain't MFing *insert popular author*. I'm jumping right in to the ghost stories tomorrow/today whatever. There's only 4-5 but a couple of them are completely unexplainable, shit was FN bananas I tell ya. I'm gonna try to dig up the pictures of that house and scan them too.

You have my undivided attention. I like reading tl;dr stuff that isn't boring and repetitive; it's a nice break from fucktarded one sentence replies to threads I don't give a shit about.

About a month had passed since learning of those poor unfortunate souls in the basement but that story didn't really bother me after the initial shock. After all, I had called at least a half dozen spots home in my short life and I was pretty sure people had died in some of those places so did it really matter? Making life easier for me was the fact that outside of my first night there I had people over every day/night. I was the only one in the immediate crew living on my own so my love of the afternoon shift didn't hinder anything, my peeps just had to wait on me if I was working. Everyone knew I was a night owl and we were all young so it didn't matter what time it was, people were coming through regardless.

I rarely had weekends off. Usually Thursday & Friday were my set off days and that worked out great, especially when you factor in I don't have to show up until 3pm on Saturday. Well one Thursday afternoon I was out running errands: grabbed my paycheck, cashed it at my liquor store and bought a fifth of E&J Very Special Old Pale then proceeded to hit the weed mans house. As I'm pulling in my driveway to arrive back home I see someone pulling in behind me. I check the rear view mirror and see my boy Shawn waving his hand about, blaring and singing along to Makavelis' "Me & My Girlfriend". How fitting. You see Shawn was really starting to wear thin with some of the boys because he spent all his time with this broad that was crazy as hell. That type of shit never bothered me, why would I be mad because a dude chooses pussy over me? I'd do the same thing nine times out of ten. Shawn knew that & knew he'd be welcomed with open arms at mi casa.

We both get out of our rides and I go right over and give him a fist bump and ask him how he's been. This is the first time I've seen him in a couple months so we're outside catching up when I ask if he wants to come up to smoke and check out my four room palace. No hesitation on his part, he knew today was my payday and I probably had a fat bag so we headed up. I gave him the grand tour, which lasted all of about 14 seconds and threw him something to twist. After we got done burning I saw him peeping my NBA Live '97 sitting on top of my OG PS one. "Fuck it, you wanna run one?" I asked seeing where he was looking. "Aw dude, I ain't played this one yet, you'll kill me" he said. "We'll play on the same team, I turned the Pistons into everyone in the crew, you're a shooting guard that'll pop 3s all day bro" I replied re-assuringly. "Alright bet, let's do it" Shawn said, looking really interested to see his player in action. We're beasting on the Chicago Bulls, who were led by the iconic 'Roster Player' when we heard what sounded like porcelain hitting porcelain. The sound of the toilet seat either being lifted or dropped and hitting the back or bottom of the toilet. We didn't pay that much mind until we heard what sounded like someone pissing in my toilet. I paused the game to make sure we weren't hearing things when Shawn asks, what's that? "I dunno, this is a really old building....probably faulty plumbing" I answered. Shawn looked very amused at my answer but didn't say anything. The game was still paused when it sounded like the last few trickles of piss were ending so I unpaused it to resume play. The very second I hit start the toilet flushed. Shawn and I looked at each other at the same time "Now what the fuck was that?!?" he asked, facial expression half amused and half concerned. "I dunno but I'm not going to look" I said with a nervous smile. He pauses the game, "come on man, let's go look". Motherfucker, I thought to myself, "alright let's look."

The bathroom was no more than 3-5 feet away from us so we got up and took a gander. The toilet seat was up but it always was, I'm a solo male. We looked behind the shower curtain and in the medicine cabinet. We opened and looked out of the bathroom window, which was too small for anyone to crawl in or out of anyway. Nothing. We both just kind of shrugged and went back to finish our game. Shortly after that Shawn left, jokingly hugging me like it's the last time he's gonna see me and I messed with him right back, begging him to stay so they don't kill me. It didn't matter, my boys and girls were going to be over very shortly anyway seeing as how I'm off today but that hour or so alone after that felt like an eternity. I tried to come up with a feasible explanation for this incident but I couldn't, toilets just don't flush themselves like that. Well, it took about a month for something to happen but finally something did. Was this going to be an isolated incident or was this going to be the start of something? I couldn't help but wonder.

I'm not gonna lie Fro...I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. This is amazing shit. I hate that the next portion of the story isn't up yet...BTW in May of 97 I was a senior about to graduate...

It had been two weeks since the "ghost piss killa" incident and once again life had returned to normal. Well better than normal, actually things had never been better. I had a house full every night, I had women and I had money. What more could a kid want? I told everyone I knew about what happened in the bathroon and that only added to the places mystique, it was getting to the point where I probably could charge admission if I desired.

It's Friday evening and my apartment is packed. Keep in mind that due to the lack of size of my unit (insert joke) 'packed' was about 8-10 people. Once the shindigs reached double digits worth of folks I would generally move the party outside for awhile. Being on the second floor and being elbow to elbow with friends doesn't exactly keep you cool on a warm June evening in Michigan. The house was semi-isolated, there was a big open field facing the east and it stretched a good ways north and south until the many houses of a neighborhood engulfed the land. We set up shop towards the busy road at the front of the house facing west to be close to the liquor store and see who's driving down Wayne Road on a Friday night. As we were hooting and hollering at the passers-by I went to take the short jaunt back to my apartment for a refill of Coke to wash down my Brandy. It was late evening now and it was getting darker by the minute. As I was walking towards the door to get into the building I swore I saw something move in the window of one of the vacant apartments below me. I approach the window to get a closer look and my best friend Nate jumps up from below the window "RAAAHHH!!!" he screamed with sheer delight. "You fucking asshole, you scared the shit out of me!!!!" I yelled back, heart racing a mile a minute. Wait a minute, how the hell did he get in there I thought to myself.

Whenever we would hang outside I or someone else would prop the door open with a rock to allow easy access back to my apartment, otherwise you needed a key to get in. I walked in past my spot and just past the basement where on the left the door of the unit Nate was in was wide open. "Was this door open like this?" I asked, already knowing the answer. "Nah, I just tried the handle and it was unlocked" he said, face still lit up with joy from the scare he gave me. "Yeah well I seen the landlord lady showing it yesterday, she must have forgotten to lock it" I told him. With that we decided to explore the apartment and I was jelly, this one was way better than mine. After a couple minutes we decided to go upstairs to twist one before rejoining the group, plus I still needed a refill. We exited the apartment and right as we closed the door and turned around the basement door opened. Now, the door to the basement closed tightly and if it wasn't the door would be cracked at least an inch or two, not only that but we heard the handle turn. Adding to the creepiness the door opened towards us, from our position it would have been impossible for anyone to fuck around without being seen. I glanced over at Nate "You want to go down there don't you?" I asked, already cussing him out in my head. "Fuck that, I ain't going down there" he replied with authority. "My man!" I told him as I gave him dap. We decided to scrap rolling one and I walked across the street for my Coke as we just wanted to get the hell out of there and rejoin the others ASAP. As we got back to the group we both made sure everyone was there, not that we needed to. He and I both knew that someone/something had invited us downstairs but we had politely declined.

I'm Not Falling For This!!

Fast forward approximately another month, it's late July and I'm having the time of my life. This apartment is the greatest thing to ever happen to me despite the spooky things that had went down. While it was nerve wracking to have someone/something use your toilet and invite you downstairs those incidents were pretty easy to shake off. Maybe it was because I had friends with me both times but with the possible exception of the first night I had yet to be legitimately terrified. That was about to change.

Another Friday night had come and gone. The last of my company had left a little before 6am but I was still feeling fine so I stayed up and waited for Saturday morning cartoons. I was on vacation from work so I didn't have to worry about catching a few hours sleep, I was free to stay up as late/early as I wanted. After stopping drinking around 4am or so I had no desire to start back up but a fat bowl of chronic sounded fantastic. I blazed away and channel surfed, awaiting the start of my show at seven. About 6:45 I hear a downstairs door slam. Hard. It happens again a second later, just as hard. Again and again someone is slamming a door hard as fuck down there. I look out of my living room window to see if anyones cars are here but all I see is my Freshscort. Out of the four units that this house is divided into only one other spot is taken besides mine. It belonged to an older lady who had moved in downstairs when the guys that told me I lived in a funeral home moved out and her car was gone. Meanwhile the door slamming is happening nonstop now. One of my asshole friends is trying to pull a fast one on me by leaving the rock in the main door and coming back and slamming it. I'm not falling for this I thought to myself. I got up and very slowly/quietly opened the door and started creeping down my stairs. As I was getting closer I could tell the slamming isn't coming from the main door, it was either coming from the basement or the other downstairs units door. When I got to the bottom of my stairs I slowly poked my head around the corner. I could see the other units door was closed, the slamming is the basement door, it's still going on and it's loud. I very slowly nimbled that way, still somewhat feeling the effects of liquid courage from the E&J hours ago. As I approached my destination I lept to the side of the basement door to give whoever a good scare. I was just in time to see the door close, open back up and close again by itself. Nobody was there. As I alluded to earlier the door opened outwards so I would have seen someones arm pushing it open and pulling it closed. I about shit myself. I hightailed it the fuck out of there and like every other asshole in every horror movie rather than run outside, which would have been quicker and easier, I ran back upstairs and locked my door in every way possible.

I went and grabbed my Rambo knife for peace of mind, wanting to kick myself in the ass for running upstairs. What the fuck am I going to do, call someone this early because my basement door is slamming itself? Alls I would hear is "take your drunk ass to bed retard!" and that would be from my mom, my friends wouldn't be so nice. I finally said fuck it and did what almost anyone in my shoes would do: Went to the freezer and grabbed the bottle of E&J, which had about 1/3 left and killed it in two drinks, took a couple more hits of the weed and fell out. The last thing I remember it was going on 7:30 and I no longer gave a fuck about my cartoons, I just wanted the slamming to stop. I don't know when it ceased, I woke up to piss a little before 11am and was greeted by a welcomed silence. It'll be 15 years since that went down this July and still that remains the most frightened I've ever been, just typing this gave me goosebumps.

That's fucking INSANE. When I get into my sobriety, Im going to start typing my memiors, but Fro, wow. You TRULY are the mang.

That last bit totally seemed like some 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark?' shit

I woke back up a little after one and still the building was silent. Being 21 and a tank I felt fine from the night of drinking but I really needed to evaluate whether I wanted to continue living here as Augusts rent was due in a few days and I was month to month. This was strike three and this mornings shenanigans scared the shit out of me. How long until something gripped me up, dragged me to the basement, threw me in the meat grinder and turned me into Frolet Mignon? I smoked a bowl and gave it some thought, eventually coming to the conclusion I was having way too much fun and fucking too many broads to give this up, I'm in it to win it. Little did I know that despite my decision to stay, August would be my last month there anyway.

Three months of nonstop partying was starting to annoy my landlord and the older lady downstairs. I was already warned several weeks ago about congregating onto my fire escape. You see, just outside of my living room window facing north was almost a decklike area with no rails meant to be used as a last resort escape. It was pretty flimsy and I was specifically told not to go on it when I paid my first months rent. Of course I used that as my balcony, having as many as 9-10 people on it at once. Nate and I still marvel at how that thing held up as we were out there fairly often. When I saw my landlord to pay my rent I was 'future endeavored'. She knew deep down I was a good guy, just young and dumb so she let me pay and stay for August as long as I gave her my word I wouldn't go on a rampage and destroy the place but I had to be out on or before September 3rd. It was over.

As the final days at the very first place I could call my own dwindled down to my next to last day I decided only the homies were coming over tonight. More specifically, my best friend Nate, my longtime homie Johnny and Shawn. Shawn had ended up fighting both Nate and Johnny that summer over bitch shit but everything was getting back to normal. Nate, Johnny and I had the summer of our lives and Shawn would've too had he not been shacked up but that was his loss. I really wanted him over on the last party night and like the good man he is he showed. We're not getting crazy, the vibe is chill and we're reflecting on what we instantly knew would be amongst the greatest times of our lives. Shawn, not wanting to hear our tales of grandeur told us he brought something special and ran out to his ride.

As we awaited him to come back up we speculated it was either a bottle of liquor or some good tree, what else could it have been? He walks back in with a bag that had what looked like a boardgame sticking out of it. With a big cheesy smile on his face he unveils a Ouija board from out of the bag. Nate and Johnny are all about it and I'm looking at them like their idiots. "The fucking thing has a Parker Brothers logo on it, who you faggots gonna channel......the Monopoly Man?!?" I yelled sternly, getting a good chuckle from Johnny. "Nah man these things work" Nate replied with an enthuastic "Hell yeah they do!" from Shawn right after. I'm telling the boys I ain't doing this silly shit but go ahead and knock themselves out. All three of them are on it and their all giddy talking about how crazy the things going. After several minutes Johnny hopped out of the circle, talking about how crazy it was. I had kinda been watching them and was slowly becoming intrigued so when Johnny bailed I jumped in. As soon I touched the paddle the thing stopped dead. After a couple seconds it started to move. It went to the letter S, then T, then A, then finally a Y. "Stay?" I asked. Paddle moved to yes. Nate and Shawn are both looking at me, eyes wide open with a look of disbelief. "You guys fucking with me?" I asked as I took my hand off the board. "No" they said simultaneously, hands never leaving the paddle. Alrighty then I thought as I went back to put my hands back on. Exact same thing happens. Once again I backed off and questioned them but the look in their eyes told me they were not moving it, at least not consciously. I went in again and wouldn't you know it, exact same thing for the third time in a row. I took my hands off for good, cracked a smile and told the boys "You know you're a cool motherfucker when ghosts like you". This probably sounds stupid but I was genuinely touched at that moment, whatever this was got to along for a hell of a ride and apparently enjoyed it as much as we all did. I knew it was just a Ouija board and that it was definitely possible that I or any of us were moving it subconciously but I believe with all my heart and soul that was real. After the summer I had, could you blame me?

(12-05-2011 08:06 PM)Peanut Wrote:  That's fucking INSANE. When I get into my sobriety, Im going to start typing my memiors, but Fro, wow. You TRULY are the mang.

Thanks bro, I'm sure I'll enjoy reading yours

(12-05-2011 10:44 PM)That Guy Wrote:  That last bit totally seemed like some 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark?' shit

For sure man, I'm suprised I didn't leave a trail of piss



Thanks for the luv guys, I'm glad you enjoyed it because I highly enjoyed writing it. I'm not done though, 1997 was more than just ghost stories, it defined me in many ways and I really am loving doing this. To anyone reading: I'm not crazy nor do I just make up stories for shits and giggles. If you think you have a good explanation for any/all the events besides the Ouija then by all means let me know.

The main reason I was happy to fly the coupe and be on my own was it meant getting women was going to be much easier. I had a place, a semi-decked out Ford Ranger (which I sold in late June/early July) and a job. If I couldn't get no ass now I might as well just hang em up. Up until this point I had only been with three chicks in my entire life. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17, a few months away from being 18, which made me the last one of all the fellas. To make matters worse, with my birthday being so late in the year I was the oldest member of the immediate crew and some of these guys were already in the double digits. I had a lot of catching up to do.

I wasn't socially awkward or anything, infact most chicks loved me. I was their 'special friend'. You know, I was the guy they would tell about how their getting plowed or who they'd ask to get one of my boys for them. It was fucking bullshit and it had to stop. I knew I had already had been branded that way by several chicks so while I was still cool with them, I didn't have them around at my new digs. Out with the old, in with new. It was go time.

One of the few things I don't remember about that year is exactly how Nate and I met Kellie and Brandy, but they were the first chicks we went to work on. The apartment was still in its infancy when these girls started coming around. Brandy was a ginger chick but she wasn't ugly. She wasn't hot either but she had a decent ass and some tig ole bitties. Kellie was hot. She didn't have the ass or titties of Brandy but she had a very pretty face with long brown hair and a nice complexion. It was a foregone conclusion that Nate would get Kellie and I'd get Brandy. I wasn't that into her but it was time to 'pad my stats' so to speak so I ran game.

Brandy was pretty lukewarm about me too but she knew what was probably gonna happen and just rolled with it. I was going to have to work harder than I wanted too but I'd do it. It's mid to late May now and it's a Wednesday night around 11:30pm. No soon as I pull in my driveway getting home from work Nate pulls in behind me, followed very shortly by the girls. It probably would've been on that night but the girls had to leave around one-ish because they had some bullshit to do in the morning. Their brief visit that night would alter history for me in a major way.

I was in my captains chair and Kellie was standing to the right of me, no more than a foot away. Nate had just pissed and on his way out he depantsed Kellie, who was wearing Adidas jumpsuit pants so they came off real easy. She didn't even flinch because she was wearing a long black White Sox jersey so we didn't see anything. "Oh Nate, you're so silly" she said, pants still at her ankles. He was still behind her and after that reaction Nate just shrugged and lifted up her jersey. She wasn't wearing panties. I had the most pristine pussy I'd ever seen a mere inches from my face. It changed everything.

There comes a moment in most mens lives where something just clicks and you want to strive for more. Could be something silly or it could be something serious but it makes you want to step your game up. This was my moment. At that very second I no longer wanted anything to do with Brandy, I wanted Kellie. No scratch that, I HAD to have Kellie. She pulled her pants back up and scolded Nate. She wasn't as playful but she wasn't super pissed either. Shortly after they left I told Nate we should switch em up. "What?" he asked. "I want Kellie, lemme have Kellie" I told him. He looked at me like he's waiting for the punchline but there was none. After seeing I was serious he nodded "Alright, she's yours. Brandys easier anyways". I had my two off days coming up and my goal was to have Kellie done by Friday night. My confidence was sky high, I was no longer settling for hand me downs I was taking charge. Only problem was she had no idea, as far as they were concerned I was gonna fuck Brandy and Nate was getting Kellie. Could we pull a switch a roo in no more than two days?

I woke up the next day feeling like a new man. I had always been somewhat confident and blamed my lack of tail on being the least physically attractive dude in our group. That no longer mattered, alls that did was giving Kellie a good plowing and I was gonna do just that. As I was in and out running my Thursday errands I made sure that I didn't answer my phone for anyone but Nate or the girls. People knew I was off tonight but they were gonna be assed out until I had Kellies sweet ass up in the air. This was before everyone had cell phones, I had a land line with a bulky ass box attached to it for the caller ID. I wasn't going to 'no-sell' my friends very often and truth be told if I were still aiming for Brandy it wouldn't have mattered who came by, but tonight and tomorrow was going to be just the four of us.

The girls had arrived about 6:30 or so and everything was going great. Brandy was thrilled at Nate's sudden interest and was all over him like a cheap wet suit. Kellie was still slightly sour on Nate for the whole depantsing thing and was returning my flirtatious ways with some of her own. Despite my confidence I couldn't believe it, I wasn't even going to need tomorrow, I was gonna have this girl wrapped up within an hour. Nate even managed to give a nod of approval when he had the chance as he saw it was going down. Nothing could stop me now I thought, I'm the motherfucking ma....KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. What the fuck? We all kinda looked at each other like uhmm, everyones here, who could this be? KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I walked over to my door and gave the meanest sounding "who is it?" I've ever given. "Yo momma!" replied a poorly disguised familiar sounding voice. I'm pretty sure I know who this is as I opened my door. Yup. I was greeted by the big cheesy smile of motherfucking bitch ass Johnny.

If you've ever seen the movie Half Baked then you could replace Snoop Doggs "scavenger" character with Johnny. Just lit up a doob? There's Johnny. Just crack a 40oz? There's Johnny, cup in hand. You and your boy trying to get some ass? Yup, heeeere's Johnny! "The fuck you faggots doing, having some alone time?" he asked, refering to only recognizing mine and Nates rides outside. "Nah man I got company, why don't you go play on Wayne Road for about an hour and come back" I told him. "Moms dropped me off, I ain't got nowhere to go" he said, already waltzing in my front door. As soon as he seen the girls he knew what was up. Any good friend would have bailed, at least for awhile. Not Johnny, he was a long time friend so he just came right in and popped a squat. As soon as Kellie laid eyes on him I saw the little floaty hearts over her head. Johnny was a taller, skinny Italian dude and had a way with the ladies and he was looking at Kellie like she was a nice cut of Prime Rib. This was a fucking disaster.

I playfully scolded the girls for leaving the downstairs door open, noting that drifters like Johnny come by and beg for change. "Be nice Fro, he's your friend" Kellie ever so sweetly replied. "Yeah Fro, be nice" added Johnny, extra cheese on the smile. Did I mention that this was a fucking disaster? Brandy cheerfully invited Nate to go downstairs and close/lock the main door to keep the rest of the drifters away and Nate just as cheerfully accepted. It was pretty obvious they were going somewhere to fuck since my room was only 5 feet away from the living room where we were chilling. Unreal. Nates been on her for like 2 hours and he's already tapping them cakes and now I'm alone with Kellie and Johnny. She didn't completely abandon me but it was clear she prefered him. This sucks.

I spent the rest of the night trying to save face but it wasn't working, I was losing ground fast. Nate and Brandy finally rejoined us sometime later and I could tell by their secret girl talk/tee-hees I was pretty much an afterthought now. Kellie wasn't gonna fuck either one of us tonight but she was tomorrow. Everyone in the room knew it and it was made more obvious by her trying to make sure John was coming over Friday. I went from the cusp of glory to back on the bench with a sad face in the blink of an eye. I wasn't DOA yet but I was on life support, clinging to every breath like it's my last. I needed to take my game to unprecedented levels or I needed a miracle. Perhaps I even needed both.

Damn, you should have told Johnny straight out to fuck off because you were trying to get some poon. I hope there's a story in the future of you kicking his ass

Awesome stories. Looking forward to future posts in this thread. You da man Fro.

I woke up on Friday much earlier than normal, probably because of the digust I felt. I couldn't believe this, it felt like I was the only team in history to lose a Super Bowl in my own stadium. I grabbed a seat in the Captains Chair, smoked a bowl and collected my thoughts. Suddenly I became even more disgusted. The fuck was my problem, where was that confidence I woke up with just yesterday? It ain't over, this is my MFing turf and I'm gonna win this battle! But how? Suddenly it hit me, a devious plan that would sabotage Johnnys chances and put me back in command where I belonged. It was genius, but would he fall for it? I picked up the phone to find out.

At the time Johnny had nothing going on. No work, no car, no job, no nothing. I called him up a lil' before noon. "Sup man, fuck you doing?" "Not shit" he answered, sounding suprised to hear from me this early. "Yeah well I'm heading to the mall so I'll be out your way, want me to come swoop and we'll start early?" I asked, hoping he'd take the bait. "Fuck yeah!" he enthusiastically replied. "Alright cool, see you inna few" I told him as we hung up the phone. I lit up a Black & Mild took a drag and leaned back in my chair. "Candy from a baby" I said to myself with a devilish grin.

In every circle of friends there's the guy that can consume insane amounts of booze then walk a straight line and that was me. I'd generally start with a fifth of Erk and Jerk Very Special Old Pale and take it from there. On many occasions I went back to the store two or even three more times a night. If I tried doing that now I'd probably die, but back then it was routine. I knew nobody in my crew could outdrink me, especially Johnny. I'd have him seepy poo by the time the girls even got there and I'd just be buzzed at worst. It would make Johnny look like an amateur who couldn't handle his liquor too. Winner by default: Fro. I just needed him to try to hang with me and not realize exactly what I was doing, he was the young buck of the group though so that shouldn't be a problem.

We arrived back at the apartment about 1:30 with booze in hand. I already had a half fifth left in the freezer so I grabbed that and put the new one in. Generally I'd just take mine straight to the head right out of the bottle but I grabbed two shot glasses and filled them to the brim. "To the apartment" I said as we cheers it up then down our shots. I was tempted to go back to back but I didn't want to make it obvious so I waited. I had roughly five and half hours to put this fool nighty night, there was no rush.

Five o'clock rolled around and that full fifth was about dry so I told Johnny we were walking to the store. "Damn dog, slow down" he said looking all concerned. "Aww...John John can't hang" I said in a little kiddy voice. "Wasn't you just talking bout how you could drink me under the table or some shit?" I asked. "Motherfucker I can, let's go the store" he said, trying to sound tough. What a maroon. That dumbass had never said he'd drink me under the table, at least not to my knowledge, I was just stirring the pot. I was pulling all the right strings, he was becoming more and more tipsy with every shot. It was only a matter of time until I tucked him in for the night.

Nate arrived a little before the girls but when everyone showed up Johnny caught his second wind and seemed like he might be able to hang. Fuck, what to do now? Ah-ha, we'll smoke! The whole time we were going shot for shot I didn't fire anything up, what the hell was I thinking? I had Nate roll us a cannon and hopefully that blast will put him down. No more than ten minutes after we blazed Nate and Brandy disappeared. I kinda wondered where he was fucking her as it was still light outside but I couldn't worry about that right now, it was just the three of us left inside. This was it, Fro vs Johnny for the title of Kellies sweet ass, may the best man win.

I was in the Captains Chair, Johnny on the floor resting the top of his back, shoulders and head on a bean bag. Kellie hopped right on him, straddling him and gyrating around his crotch. I played it cool but I was thinking I had lost when it happened. She stopped moving. I glanced over to see her kinda shake on him but he was out like a light. Are you kidding me? She was grinding on him like a stripper on a pole and that's when he passes out? Unbelievable! In what seemed like slow motion she looked my way and smiled. She got off him and came and sat on my lap. "Sup Fro, how you doing?" she coyly asked. "I'm alright, how you doing baby?" I asked trying my best to sound smooth. It's on.

I didn't know how much time I had so I needed to act fast. Nate & Brandy might come barging back in, Johnny might wake up, some asshole could come beat on my door, etc. I was going for broke so I grabbed her hand and slowly guided it to my cock. Either I was going to get slapped or I was gonna do some slappin'. She immediately took her hand off my junk. "You're bad" she said, then put her hand right back. Score! I gripped her up like a fucking caveman and threw her down on my bed and fucked the dog shit outta that broad. Finally, things were going my way. Kellie catapulted all the way to the top of my list, passing a whopping three other girls for the #1 spot.

Right as we finished we heard Nate and Brandy coming back up. Brandy saw Johnny passed out and my bedroom door closed and came barging in. I had just finished putting my shorts back on and had the afterglow of a job well done so I didn't care who came in, matter of fact I wanted the world to see this. The look of disgust on Brandys face when she realized what went down still warms my heart today. The fact she looked so sick that I got it and not Johnny made it that much more satisfying. What a hater.

I ended up getting Kellie again the next day before work but before I did I told her she was free to do her thing. She didn't have to worry that I thought this was going somewhere or we were an item or anything like that, go ahead and do you. I could tell she fancied Johnny and that was fine, I had done what I set out to do, not once but twice! Johnny ended up getting it and I asked him how my dick tastes many a time. He could ask me the same thing on girl #3 at that time though and he did. It was all good natured ribbing. I often wonder how that summer would have played out had Nate not pulled Kellies pants down in front of me. I probably would've settled for scraps so he inadvertently made me a new man. I owe him one for that. I lost contact with the girls in the early 2000s but I can guarantee they remember that apartment fondly.

The apartment on August 13th 1997. Top left is my bedroom window. Top right was one of my two living room windows. All the way right was that fire escape that I got yelled at for partying on. You can also see the other living room window that we used to get out on the "balcony". Bottom right was where those dudes that told me about the buildings history and then the old lady lived. That other little stairway on the left under my windows led to some storage bullshit, it wasn't a unit. This was the back of the building, sadly I don't have a picture of the front.



From L to R: Nate, myself, Johnny. Same date 8-13-97.

Johnny looks like he's either drunk as shit or slightly retarded

A little from column A, a lot from column B.

*ANGRY CHINESE GUY MEME*


FRO......WHY Y NO UPDATE NEW STORY?!?!?!




Lol.....on the real tho, I could read these all day.

My dad's office in California used to be a funeral home and it too seemed haunted as shit.

(12-22-2011 09:37 PM)Peanut Wrote:  *ANGRY CHINESE GUY MEME*


FRO......WHY Y NO UPDATE NEW STORY?!?!?!




Lol.....on the real tho, I could read these all day.

To be honest it takes me awhile to put this up and with the recent board problems I didn't wanna spend an hour or so doing it only to get the error message and lose everything. Then late last night when I was doing the Lions page that very thing happened and alls I had to do was hit the back arrow and everything was hunky dory....whaddya know, coulda been doing it all along. The story continues soon....me so sorry!!!


RDH- No shit man? That's cool stuff bro, always like hearing other peeps tales if you feel like sharing.

Fro is fuckin' 36??

(12-25-2011 01:47 PM)peachfuzz Wrote:  Fro is fuckin' 36 broads??

ftfy

(12-25-2011 01:47 PM)peachfuzz Wrote:  Fro is fuckin' 36??

What'd you say sonny boy? I can't hear so good.......errrr see so good no mores.

Posted it in my own feed, but here you go

Fro's stories of the haunted place he rented, inspires me to write about my Dad's office in CA. Now the top partof the office was my dad's home when he was single, and the house was fucking beautiful. Big Greek columns, wood floors, stained glass windows, and a big balcony off of the main bedroom. It also had a big backyard, and a seperate garage that had an apartment on top of it. The downside of it was it used to be a funeral home, with the big furnace still down in the basement, and the furnace delightfully had a skull and crossbones on it. It was also pretty fucking haunted, with reports from multiple people, that had no idea it was haunted in the first place. Weirdly most of the haunting was just upstairs.

One of my dad's employees walked in his office to find his pen floating in mid air, my dad used to hear someone running up and down the stairs at night. People we let live there (we had our own house once my dad was married to my mom) saw stuff flying around their rooms. The ghost hated my mom and would bother her when she was in the house, flinging open the bathroom door on her and other stuff. The activity went really nuts when we dug up an old necklace in the backyard, and we later kind of found out who the ghost might be, a woman who we went to church with Grandma had owned and died in the house. The best story was probably told by my third grade teacher. She used to do secretary work on the side for my dad, one night she was there late sorting files and putting post it notes on everything, she went to grab something to eat from the kitchen, and came back to her post it notes scattered and then heard a woman laughing upstairs (the ghost was female). She shrugged it off and figured my dad was just entertaining some woman upstairs. Ten minutes later my dad walks through the front door with his suitcase. He had been gone for a week on business. They kind of freak out and go upstairs to see if anyone is hiding up there, and they find no one. The woman never worked for my dad again after that, she was too freaked. The last night we lived in CA, my dad and brother were doing some final packing up, and every single toliet in the house flushed at the same time. They looked at each other and both asked " Think we have everything?" "Yep!" and ran right the fuck out of the house. I have always wanted to go back and ask the people who now own it if any shit goes on still.

Behind the beard

there is another beard